Learning to Let Go

With the exception of a miserable 6-month stint in the corporate world, I have always worked in the field of Education. There is nothing more exhilarating then seeing a child learn and knowing I was responsible for the a-ha moment when a concept finally sinks in. My professional life took place when I was childless so I uttered the phrase “when I have kids I’ll never…” too much for my own good. I never said those words to the parents of course, but I know I often had opinions of parents or children that really didn’t reflect a real world experience. Now that I am a parent I see things from the other side of the desk and I am receiving a rude awakening. My oldest son Nicholas goes to our church’s preschool 3 days a week and really enjoys his time there. Nicholas is also learning that classrooms have rules different than at home and therefore he is spending a lot of time in time-out. His issues are normal for a 3 year old and nothing too horrible but when I receive a less than lovely discipline report I wonder if I am the parent of the “bad kid” in class or if people think my husband and I are bad parents. I know that is an irrational thought but sometimes it is hard to be neutral and see the big picture when I have the Momma Bear instinct running through my veins.

Now, I am a realist and I know that my child isn’t so sweet that he could be made out of spun sugar. Nicholas is all boy, very active and a bit mischievous but I know that when he gets overexcited and acts up in class it is more out of sheer excitement and joy than anything malicious. I want to make sure Nicholas is a good friend and classmate and can obey the school’s rules but I don’t want to hurt his love of learning. Even though we aren’t supposed to do it, teachers and parents talk about kids and I don’t want my son labeled a troublemaker. As a mom I want everyone to see my child for the good kid he is and I want other people to love him as much as I do. But, at the same time I know that it isn’t healthy for me to hover over him, make excuses and protect him from every bad thing he might encounter. If he is going to be a well-rounded kid he has to learn things on his own and deal with the consequences of his actions. When I was the teacher I hated it when parents would question every move I made but now I see how hard it is to let go and trust someone else to know what is good for my child.

Sometimes it feels like I am an acrobat walking a tightrope. I need to be an advocate for my child while at the same time letting him find his way in the world. The frightening thing is the issues will only get bigger. Right now I fret over his behavior in a 3-year old classroom but one day I’ll have to worry about his grades, a girl breaking his heart, temptations and hard choices. I want to keep him small and in the safe little bubble of our home but I can’t. He has to learn that not everyone will love him as much as I do and that is okay! So my son and I are both getting an education right now. Nicholas is learning his letters, numbers and colors and I am learning that my job as a parent is to be my child’s soft place to fall. So far my son seems to be thriving and his once a day time-outs don’t seem to be hurting his love of learning. How am I doing? Well, I am developing a thicker mom skin and learning to let go, one baby step at a time.