Pieces

Nicholas recently had his tonsils and adenoids removed so we were on what I like to call a "two week, Physician imposed house arrest." The first week was fine, we watched a lot of movies and things were pretty low key. It was nice to break free from the hustle and bustle of every day life and just be with my kids for a while. The second week? Well, that was not so pleasant. Nicholas had hit that stage where he was feeling better but was still unable to go about his normal routine so he was cranky and frustrated. As for me? I was climbing the walls in boredom. There are only so many times I can watch Shrek, the Star Wars movies or Noggin before I go insane. (Clay went to work every day- the lucky guy!) Even Jeremy was frustrated because he couldn't engage in one of his favorite activities- crawling all over his brother. We were a cranky bunch looking for a distraction so out of sheer desperation I pulled out some puzzles and we got to work.

I had forgotten how soothing puzzles can be! We worked on a 500 piece puzzle that I was sure would be out of Nicholas' range but he took to the task immediately. Puzzles are actually a great thing for children because as they play they are learning colors, shapes, math skills and spatial concepts. I really enjoyed watching Nicholas fit the pieces together because I could see his mind working as he discarded a piece or put an entire section together. Jeremy got into the act as he would helpfully "hand" us a puzzle piece whether we needed it or not. Of course I had more practice with puzzles so I was faster than Nicholas but somehow that stinker always managed to put in the last few pieces.

Nicholas has made a full recovery and we are back to our normal routine but the puzzle time still continues. At night you can find all four of us crowded around the coffee table, working on a puzzle and quietly chatting away. When the boys go to bed Clay and I come back to the puzzle and talk about our day. It may not be the most romantic of dates but working on a puzzle together helps us to reconnect. I know we sound like the dork family of the year, but I am really enjoying this new way our family has found to spend time together. Maybe house arrest wasn't so bad after all.

Kicking and Screaming

Yesterday was one of those days where I wished there was a Human Resources department for parenthood because I wanted to complain about harsh working conditions and hand in my resignation. We had meltdowns in private and in public, tantrums, tears and the requisite “I don’t like you right now!” And that was just from me! Ha! Seriously, I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to all that knowledge about raising children I had when I was a childless woman? Why, my kids were never going to have a tantrum in the middle of Target, or tell me they didn’t like me because I wouldn’t buy them a Star Wars toy. I am familiar with child development and psychology and know what it age appropriate behavior but that doesn’t make things any easier. When my children exhibit this behavior, I can’t help but wonder who replaced my calm, even tempered little boys with screaming banshees? New parents don’t always believe you when you tell them that sometimes you are more than happy to be away from your baby for hours, even if it is just to run errands. You can still love your children fiercely while at the same time banishing them to their rooms for the rest of the day. I feel it is important to stand my ground on the big stuff, and I do, but it can be so exhausting. I know my job as a parent is to raise confident, self-sufficient, caring and kind adults and sometimes that means getting a little tough and facing embarrassment. Sure it would be easy to give in when the whining starts but I don’t think that would teach them anything other than Mom is a pushover. So, as embarrassing as it may be, I’ll hand a half full shopping cart off to a store employee and leave the store when the tantrums start because I know I am teaching my child that I mean what I say and tantrums won’t get you what you want. Like Scarlett I know that tomorrow will be another day and things will get better. Sometimes that thought is the only thing that brings a smile to my face when the parenting day gets a little too rough.

Happy 2008!

I have wanted to get back to my regular posting but until today my fingers have been so numb I couldn’t think of typing. At the risk of sounding like Andy Rooney or Jerry Seinfeld, what is the deal with all of the twist ties and excessive packaging in kids toys? I think a majority of our Christmas holidays were spent opening boxes and untwisting millions of little twisty ties. Nicholas received a toy backhoe and it was literally bolted to the package! Crazy! Excessive toy packaging aside, our holidays were wonderful. It was so nice to cocoon as a family and just watch dvds, eat the rest of the Christmas cookies and play with all matter of toys. 2008 seems to be off to a good start, with everyone healthy and ready to get back to our normal routine. Best of all, we won’t have to open up anymore toys until Jeremy’s birthday in February. I believe our fingers and patience should be recovered by then!

Not Playing Around

I am writing this post with a muddled brain as I seem to have caught my ten millionth cold this year. I've decided that the indoor play area at our local mall is responsible for my misery as it is certainly a little petri dish of germs. Sure there is a little sign in front of the area claiming that a cleaning crew does a spit and polish job on the play structure twice a day but I simply don't believe it. I think those cleaning times are a figment of someone's imagination, like Bigfoot or jeans that make short curvy women look good.

Last week I let Nicholas play in the disease..er..play area after a particularly boring mall shopping day. He had a blast, running, jumping, climbing and picking up who knows what kinds of germs. When it was time to go I washed his hands well and set about my merry way. Saturday morning, Nicholas woke up with a whopper of a fever, congestion and some stomach upset. No one in our family or his class at school is sick so we were stumped as to where this new illness was coming from. Then we thought about *cue ominious music* the mall play structure!! We started recounting the various illnesses he has had in the past few months and noticed how they all occured after his activity time in the mall. What can I say, Clay and I are quick!

So here I sit, tissue in hand, sniffling and sneezing because Nicholas graciously shared his germs with me. My son is such a giver. As of now I am putting my foot down and declaring an end to the mall play area for my son. While I am not a germaphobe, I don't want to have to cover my son in a fine sheen of Purell before I allow him to play on a giant plastic police car. So, from now on it is outdoor parks for us. Sure we might get cold playing outside in the dead of winter but we have mittens, coats and hats. The way I figure it the colder it is, the fewer the germs that will survive. Sorry cootie-laden mall play area, you have been defeated this time!

My Christmas Mojo

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of the year. There is something magical about going out at night and seeing lights and decorations covering every surface and brightening the landscape. Normal routines are shaken up as we pull out fancy clothes, eat rich foods, listen to dogs singing "Jingle Bells" and decorate our houses with dead trees and socks. The sense of Christmas Day anticipation is, in my opinion, more intoxicating than a mixed drink! But, now that I am older and have more of a hand in the Christmas preparations, sometimes it can be hard to keep my Christmas mojo.

One way I keep my sanity is to order gifts online. I normally am not a mall person but during the Christmas season I avoid the mall like the plague. I love buying my gifts while sitting on my couch in my pajamas. No one is jostling me, I don't have to hunt for what I want and most of the time I have two or three clicks of the mouse and I am done. I love Amazon almost as much as I love my family because you can find everything on that site, often a lot cheaper than at the store! I rarely pay shipping as many Internet retailers are getting wise to the fact that more and more people are doing their shopping online. Plus, I get a tiny little thrill each time I see the UPS truck pull up to my house. Hey, I am easily entertained.

I make sure I set a lot of time aside to do the things I like during the holidays. I know that can be hard if you have older kids who have a ton of school activities or if you have a lot of holiday parties to attend. Trust me, you will be amazed how calming the thought of doing what you want to do later can be. I love to bake, so I take an entire weekend to shop for my ingredients, prepare my treats and package them. I put on some good music, grab a mug of tea and go to work. The best part of my baking is I am not tempted to eat my goodies because frankly, after rolling my 100th peanut butter ball in chocolate I am not interested in ever seeing them again, much less eating one. You may hate baking but love Christmas movies, so watch one a night until Christmas. Do whatever you need to do to remain centered.

My family is my main priority during the Holiday season. I would rather politely and happily turn down a party invitation then go and run the risk of being a party pooper. I realized a long time ago that people will understand if you can't make every event during the holidays. I promise you won't hurt anyone's feelings if you take some time out to be with family! Tonight my family is going to follow fellow Atlanta Parent blogger Walt's advice and have a Stone Mountain Christmas. Sure it would be fun to dress up in our fancy party clothes and have a couple of drinks, but my husband and I will treasure the memory of our two boys riding the Christmas train a lot more.

I know the material nature of the holiday season can be overwhelming. When I feel like all I am doing is shelling out cash and buying, buying, buying I remember that this season isn't only about material goods. We are a Catholic family so we make sure to light the candles in the Advent wreath and remember the religious aspect of Christmas. You may feel that the Holiday spirit is one of love for your fellow man or doing works of charity. Whatever the holiday season means to you, be it religious or secular, do whatever it takes to make the season more meaningful.

If I am still feeling like a Grinch about the holiday season, I just think back to what it was like to be a kid at this time of the year. I remember many a Christmas Eve where I couldn't go to sleep because I might miss the sound of Santa's sleigh bells. My son Nicholas is now at the age where Christmas is the biggest thing in his life. Everything about the season is exciting to him and his glee rubs off on my husband and me. While I won't say beg, borrow or steal a child (PLEASE DON'T DO THAT), pretend that you are a kid again and see if you don't feel your heart growing, to quote Dr. Seuss, 3 sizes bigger.

Hyperemesis Awareness

There is a belief in my family that if you are pregnant and throw up you are having a girl and if you eat everything in sight you are having a boy. So, in my first pregnancy when I began to throw up at 6 weeks the only thought I had about morning sickness was I would soon need to buy pink dresses and tiny hairbows. At first I found the morning sickness to be annoying and something to grin and bear, but when I couldn’t keep down water and was throwing up every 15 minutes I began to suspect something might be wrong. I consulted the pregnancy bible “What to Expect When You Are Expecting” and read that some women are sicker than others in pregnancy but on the rare chance that you can't keep anything down you should give your OB's office a call. When I called the OB the “helpful” (ha ha) nurses suggested crackers, ginger ale, sea bands and small frequent meals. I wondered how this would help me if I couldn’t even keep water down? When I went to the OB for my 8 week checkup my Dr. took one look at me and immediately sent me to Northside where I was given 4 bags of IV fluid in order to get rehydrated. I thought the worst was over until I had to go back to the hospital the next week for more fluids. At that time I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarium (HG).

Hyperemesis is severe nausea and vomitting in pregnancy which causes a woman to become dehydrated because she is unable to properly eat and drink. A woman also loses more than 5% of her body weight and has trouble working or maintaining a normal routine because she is so ill. Hyperemesis feels as if you combined the worst hangover and stomach flu you have ever had and multiplied that by 1000. Once I recevied my diagnosis, I became an invalid, dealing with home health care nurses, IV hydration, blown veins in my hands, powerful anti-nausea drugs that were fed into my leg via a pump and kept me in a haze and an overwhelming fear that my baby and, well, I, wouldn't make it through this ordeal. When Nicholas was born healthy and weighing in at a whopping 8lbs 1 ozs, I finally felt like I could breathe again. I was determined to give Nicholas a sibling even though I knew that my Hyperemesis would most likely strike again. Sure enough at 6 weeks I was back in the ER receiving fluids. This time I knew what I was up against and demanded more aggresive treatment for my Hyperemesis. Thankfully, Jeremy was born healthy but I decided that my dream of having 4 kids was just not possible. My days of pregnancy and battling Hyperemesis were over.

The medication, IVs, nausea and inability to eat was horrible; but the worst part of Hyperemesis is the isolation. Because only 1-2% of pregnant women get this condition, there is little understanding of what exactly causes this severe form of morning sickness. I had to go on disability from my job because I couldn’t manage the drive to work- not with the constant vomiting and the IV pole. Many people thought I was exaggerating and trying to get attention. They didn’t understand that while I was desperately lonely I couldn’t have them come over because smells would send me into hours long vomiting fits. I couldn’t relate to other pregnant women- Cravings? Maternity and baby clothes shopping? I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t leave the house because I refused to throw up in public. Baby showers? Pregnancy glow? HA! My only lifesaver was http://www.helpher.org/, a hyperemesis pregnancy website and message board. The users of that board knew the fear, frustration and anger of a Hyperemesis pregnancy.

Now that I have defeated the Hyperemesis demon, I feel it is my duty to help other women. While Hyperemesis is still a rare disease, more research, publicity and awareness is occuring every day. Matter of fact, NBC News recently aired a story about Hyperemesis, which I have posted below. If you know someone who is suffering from Hyperemesis, or you think you might have it, please seek help. Don't worry about being wrong, or being called a whiner. An excellent online resource is http://www.helpher.org/. If you would like to talk about your experiences, or ask questions, please comment below. Just know that you are not alone!


The struggle against hyperemesis

Learning to Let Go

With the exception of a miserable 6-month stint in the corporate world, I have always worked in the field of Education. There is nothing more exhilarating then seeing a child learn and knowing I was responsible for the a-ha moment when a concept finally sinks in. My professional life took place when I was childless so I uttered the phrase “when I have kids I’ll never…” too much for my own good. I never said those words to the parents of course, but I know I often had opinions of parents or children that really didn’t reflect a real world experience. Now that I am a parent I see things from the other side of the desk and I am receiving a rude awakening. My oldest son Nicholas goes to our church’s preschool 3 days a week and really enjoys his time there. Nicholas is also learning that classrooms have rules different than at home and therefore he is spending a lot of time in time-out. His issues are normal for a 3 year old and nothing too horrible but when I receive a less than lovely discipline report I wonder if I am the parent of the “bad kid” in class or if people think my husband and I are bad parents. I know that is an irrational thought but sometimes it is hard to be neutral and see the big picture when I have the Momma Bear instinct running through my veins.

Now, I am a realist and I know that my child isn’t so sweet that he could be made out of spun sugar. Nicholas is all boy, very active and a bit mischievous but I know that when he gets overexcited and acts up in class it is more out of sheer excitement and joy than anything malicious. I want to make sure Nicholas is a good friend and classmate and can obey the school’s rules but I don’t want to hurt his love of learning. Even though we aren’t supposed to do it, teachers and parents talk about kids and I don’t want my son labeled a troublemaker. As a mom I want everyone to see my child for the good kid he is and I want other people to love him as much as I do. But, at the same time I know that it isn’t healthy for me to hover over him, make excuses and protect him from every bad thing he might encounter. If he is going to be a well-rounded kid he has to learn things on his own and deal with the consequences of his actions. When I was the teacher I hated it when parents would question every move I made but now I see how hard it is to let go and trust someone else to know what is good for my child.

Sometimes it feels like I am an acrobat walking a tightrope. I need to be an advocate for my child while at the same time letting him find his way in the world. The frightening thing is the issues will only get bigger. Right now I fret over his behavior in a 3-year old classroom but one day I’ll have to worry about his grades, a girl breaking his heart, temptations and hard choices. I want to keep him small and in the safe little bubble of our home but I can’t. He has to learn that not everyone will love him as much as I do and that is okay! So my son and I are both getting an education right now. Nicholas is learning his letters, numbers and colors and I am learning that my job as a parent is to be my child’s soft place to fall. So far my son seems to be thriving and his once a day time-outs don’t seem to be hurting his love of learning. How am I doing? Well, I am developing a thicker mom skin and learning to let go, one baby step at a time.